EMBRACING FEMININITY ; DITCHING RADICAL FEMINISM

 

Listen to most conversations around you and you’ll realize that there is a topic of discussion that never misses out. A guy will randomly mention, “siku hizi wanawake wamekuwa vichwa,ati kwa sababu mtu ako na pesa ,amesoma hadi PHD (Nowadays women have become hard headed simply because she earns good money, is well educated probably with a PHD etc.)” Most men complain about  how there are less or no women eligible for marriage, as most will end up being disrespectful to them, less concerned about their children, bothered by the art of homemaking. All they care about is their manicured nails, abroad vacays and hitting the gym to maintain their bikini bodies.

Women are not left behind either, we have something to say, no scratch that, to spit out in response to these accusations. In fact, today I was at the salon to have my hair braided….I must say after a whole month of letting my hair free, being all naturalle. My favorite was Bantu Knots, coz I could stay with them on all the way from Monday and undo them on Sunday morning before heading to church. Well, it was time for me to relax after a three –month attachment at the country’s busiest hospital. Again, being an introvert I needed that personal space to connect with myself after what seemed eternity. With that said, hair styling was the least of my worries…. Hope you still following, yeah, so I was at the salon, then I fell asleep for some 15 minutes, yes I slept! Ladies will understand this better. Someone should do a research on whatever makes women take a nap while their hair is being worked on. So when I woke up the first thing I heard was “Siku hizi hata wanaume hawana maana (nowadays men have lost their meaning)”. Why on earth would I wake up to such a cruel-sounding comment? I wished I had slept for a few more minutes. Huh, then I realized it’s time for that discussion. Probably you’ve heard other phrases from women e.g. “Whatever a man can do, I can do better. We deserve to be equal. If am tired, there’s no way I’ll cook, he didn’t marry me to be a house girl. There is nothing that I can’t do for myself, if one day I wake up and feel tired of being with him ,I’ll just pack my bags and leave. I have a lucrative job; earning a six-figure salary, a luxurious car, hundreds of property under my name… so what can he give me that I can’t afford for myself?"

All this controversies have come about as a result of the one word that seems to be taking the world by storm. A word that I personally feel has been abused and is being used as some sort of defense mechanism by most women. A word that has made us women lose sight of our awesomeness to an extent that some no longer take pride in being women.

F.E.M.I.N.I.S.M 

I took time to look up the word from the dictionary and the first description I found was amusing.

Feminism:

1.(dated) The state of being feminine; femininity. [from 1851; less common after 1895]

2.A social theory or political movement which argues that legal and social restrictions on women must be removed in order to bring about equality of both sexes in all aspects of public and private life.

So in the olden times, feminism was equal to femininity (sum of all attributes that are feminine or convey womanhood). But their similarity greatly reduced after 1895, which I suppose came as a result of the social theory or political movement that was established to bring about equality of both men and women. Then, there was need for a lasting solution given that women were less economically empowered, uneducated and more prone to domestic violence. The movement was meant to empower them on all fronts of life, the girl child was now valued, she got education, good job and a say in the home just like her male counterpart. Well, at first feminism had its huge benefits, because if not, perhaps I wouldn’t be the confident young woman who is in campus right now, looking forward to graduate at the end of this year, God willing…… I’d probably be in a village somewhere, married to some old grey haired, pot-bellied  man, tilling the family farm as I count weeks to delivering my N^th child .Oh Lord, I shiver at the thought of such a life.

Sooner than later, what was meant for our good as women became something dreadful. It ceased from being just feminism to being Radical Feminism. It became what seems like a tool to wage war against men. To show the world that we can also become like men, that we can do everything by ourselves, even raise a family all alone…. Hence the popular terms i.e. pseudo-men, alpha females. The family front is suffering greatly at the rise of single moms.  Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against single moms, as I understand that some maybe lost their husbands and chose not to remarry, others were in abusive marriages/relationships which threatened their very existence and they walked away or were in what Christianity would call sinful relationships. What I find alarming is a woman deciding to just single-handedly bring up kids because she feels she can do it all, and bringing a man in the picture would be a menace. If you’ve been on this earth for long enough, ha-ha, probably you’ve heard of sperm banks, where women go to get inseminated, I know, I also thought that only farm animals get inseminated Lol. Or a girlfriend/wife who at the moment of realizing that they are pregnant, dropped off their man like some hot potato(insert accent) claiming that a baby is all they needed.  Cormac Burke, in his book The Quest for Feminine Identity, captures this soo well ….. “So many women, in these years of radical feminism, have set themselves the challenge of beating men, beating men taken at their worst. And, even when they were successful, they have missed the mark. For the challenge facing them is much greater, and is yet within their possibilities. Not to beat men at being men, but to beat themselves at being women: with minds and hearts large enough to care for a family, and as a result large enough also to humanize society. Society needs, badly needs, what truly feminine women, and only they can give.

I believe if we women embraced our God-given femininity, we would have much more to offer to the world. If only we realize that equality is not similarity, then perhaps we will end this nightmare of trying to be like the men. As much as women try, they can’t be men; they can only be second rate or pseudo-men. Have you ever wondered why one offers a flower to a woman and not a man? That is, under normal circumstances, coz for instance if someone is sick and admitted at hospital, visitors fill their bedside cabinet with flowers whether a man or woman. Many times am in awe and I ask myself, why is it that Solomon while writing the Proverbs, he somehow deliberately referred to Wisdom and Understanding using a Female Persona? Why not the male persona? May be theologians can help me understand.

Femininity in itself arouses admiration. It is a reflection of Gods mystery. It encompasses Receptivity, Sensitivity, Generosity and Maternity; qualities that are rarely found in men. Let me also remind you that women have power, great power, over men. Power can fascinate; power can exhilarate. Power can also corrupt. A wise woman will choose to use her power responsibly. “Feminine grace is a quality that all women can cultivate, even if today few seem to do so- or even to understand the concept. When it is genuine, it reflects on the outside, a particular feminine trait capable of evoking the best in men.”- Man and Values

In the pursuit of embracing femininity I found this important:

LOOK TO GOD FOR AUTHENTIC FEMININITY                                                                        

Femininity is rooted in who God has created a woman to be through biological composition and her inward spirit. It is not dependent on interests, hobbies or personality.  It doesn’t matter what the society says a woman should be. Only God can help you navigate through it because He will equip you with all you need to be authentically feminine. He will grace you to be:

Relational. We are most fulfilled when deeply connected with those we care about. In Genesis 2:18-25, we see God creating a woman to be a man’s helper. It is in our nature to want to connect. That is why girls love to talk for hours and don’t need an activity to keep them busy while doing it like men might. We ought to be careful though, because even in our brokenness, we can use the same relational influence to hurt those we love as in Proverbs 25:24

A nurturer by nature. Physically women have breasts to nurture newborns and a uterus where fetuses grow until 9 months. And even if a woman doesn’t have her own children, she can assist in bringing up nieces, nephews because our very composition is that which breeds and nurtures life. We have the ability to be a home for others where they can feel safe and at rest. Isaiah 49:15-16, Psalms 131:2

Vulnerable. We have an incredible ability to be soft, sensitive with emotional fortitude to overcome the assaults against the vulnerability we will inevitably face. 1Peter 3:7 – Men will have their prayers hindered if they do not love their wives in an understanding way…  And we know that when we are weak, we are strong because Christ’s power is perfected in our weaknesses as in 2^nd Corinthians 12:9-10

Beautiful. There’s a weight to this word, beautiful. It has a deeper meaning than meets the eye. God intends that every woman is beautiful from the inside to the outside. Our adornment should not be merely external, because that kind of beauty is like a vapor tossed in the wind. Instead we should focus on Spiritual Adornment which consists of our true inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in Gods sight. 1Peter 3:3-5

Responsive. This majorly applies in a marriage set up where we women are required to allow our husbands take the lead. And even before we are married we learn to submit to God. We are able to devote ourselves to obeying HIS commands through the help of the Holy Spirit. Am convinced that no matter how difficult submission seems, if a woman learns to submit to God then submitting to her husband isn’t an uphill task as such. Titus 2:5

Time to Embrace Femininity and Ditch Radical Feminism.  What,'s your say?