HEALING THROUGH STORIES

When we choose friends they come as a complete package, the good, the bad and the ugly. It happens every time we consciously or unconsciously make a friend. I am a strong believer in long lasting friendships. Being  a phlegmatic, acquiring friends can be an uphill task  therefore I so much want the friends I make to last a lifetime (wishful thinking to the core). I'd do all I can for anyone I consider a friend. 
Since my teenage hood, going through highschool, I've had consistent friendships but as fate would have it, we each went our separate ways (into  different universities). This means that as I get to uni I need to make new friends. And so the search begins. I get my first friend on the first day of school which is awesome because I'll have someone to chat with and I'll keep boredom at bay. This is my main chic all through the first semester. 
Beginning of second semester the circle gets bigger and surprisingly better. Let's say they helped a whole lot in terms of my classwork; reading schedules and assignments. I even let a part of me be based solely on what my friends like or don't like; I'd stop dating someone just because my friend doesn't like them, I had preformed judgement on people, simply because I heard my friends talk about how good or bad a person was.
Sounds like deep loyalty, yeah? Well, at the time, I thought it was... But not now! I look back and laugh at the untold foolishness associated with such a perception (No hating, experience is the best teacher hehe...). I remember dumping this guy like some hot potato guy just because my friend neither liked him nor approved the relationship. Then I got tricked into dating this one guy whom I totally disliked. His laughter and breathe made me sick to death 💀... Glad I realised that soonest possible and made an exit.. And you'd be shocked to hear that the guy my friend disliked has not only loved me, but has been a legit support system for 3 solid years. The first guy who took me out on my first real date... (definitely a storo for another day. A subtle way of getting to be on this platform for a second and may be third time, yes Gracie? Yes! 😉😉)
Words and traits do rub off naturally they say. But words do not cut as deep to any other person as they do to a person whose love language is words of affirmation. The words remain engraved in their minds and hearts and the emotions as fresh as the day those words were said to them.
It was all fun and games at first, it started with jokes that subtly belittled my self-esteem, I regularly got proven wrong when I shared my thoughts on something. Then it got to a point where my explanations wouldn't be considered valid because, well, I wasn't the 'brightest' person in the room. Something I knew was correct would be doubted but when I said it but when voiced by another it was considered very correct.
When someone repeatedly instills doubt in you it's like a seed planted and that begins to take root and thrive. The more words are uttered, the more the seed is watered and it grows firmer. Self- doubt became my new normal. Even with the simplest things in life, I had to have someone back up my decision so that I'd be courageous enough to share it out or execute it. Before I shared with the larger group on my opinions during discussions, I had to confirm from at least one member that my opinion was correct and made sense. I didn't want to risk being ridiculed anyway, so I had to learn how to defend myself. Inevitably, I'd stay silent during most discussions since I didn't want to 'bother' people by asking them to validate my thoughts. I also was afraid to say something that would 'backfire' right on my face. The self doubt was slowly but surely eating into my abilities and the core of my being. See, this wasn't something that I was born feeling, but it was encroaching deeper into my system than I thought was possible. 
See the people around us, build us or destroy us. They speak into our lives, whether we like it or not. That academic year was my worst. My transcripts were far from pleasing. In my final year however, things took a turn and for the better. I was more in control of my emotions, how I perceived people's mean sentiments. It wasn't easy for me but I knew that I had to push all that behind me. 
Oh the freedom that came with letting go, forgiving and starting to appreciate self! Looking back, it was the most sane decision I made (without consulting with someone this time).
In life, there are a couple of things that take time to come into form and one of them is Friendships. Evolving is part of friendships, outgrowing some friendships is also inevitable. Friendships, like romantic relationships, if they are meant to be, they will be. And not all people come into our lives and stay for good. Some are seasonal, some stay with us forever. Therefore,  it is important to recognise the seasons and reasons for which our friendships exist. 
From the nasty experiences, caution has been a step I never skip while on the pursuit of friendship. I have mastered the art of Intentionality with the friends I've made since then. I'm glad the experience made me BETTER and not bitter, at the end of it all.

PS: Anyone who says or does mean things to us, needs some good loving from us. Most likely, that's how mean they are to themselves and it's a subtle way to ask for help with getting a better and healthier perception of themselves. Lastly, never give room for negative thoughts, words or actions to thrive. Negativity is like a flat tire, it takes you nowhere!

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The writer preferred to remain Anonymous.